âAfter these things, when the anger of King Ahasuerus had abated, he remembered Vashti and what she had done and what had been decreed against her. Then the king’s young men who attended him said, âLet beautiful young virgins be sought out for the king. And let the king appoint officers in all the provinces of his kingdom to gather all the beautiful young virgins to the harem in Susa the citadel, under custody of Hegai, the king’s eunuch, who is in charge of the women. Let their cosmetics be given them. And let the young woman who pleases the king be queen instead of Vashti.â This pleased the king, and he did so.
 Esther 2:1-4
I want to be honest here; this is not what I was expecting to be in the series, much less the second chapter. However, I believe I notice a pattern in how this series goes. This is going to be awkward to say but I have been dealing with bitterness when it came to the discussion of women, considering the times I have had been rejected. I think in some ways feminism, like patriarchy, gives us men an easy target to hit when directing our frustrations towards the world we are in. This series has therefore been my exploration into biblical womanhood and what that means for guys like me who desire to be in a marital covenant to the glory of God. So I will be honest with that; there have been plenty of opportunities when I have been tempted to hate my fellow image-bearers, some of which I have been successful to redirect by Godâs word and some I have failed spectacularly. I want this to be clear so we can understand I am a work in progress on this matter.
The other reason I wanted to discuss this is that I believe that feminism, as a concept, has deterred women from discussing the pitfalls in what is believed outside of the dictionary definition. To many of us, feminism has been an outlet to discuss matters that plague women and so itâs unquestionably good. However, this road always has temptation. When you often walk in such a path, seeing the negative aspects of what people do, you are always tempted to equate them to the evil they perform and this is detrimental when offering the gospel. I say this for two reasons. One, this is why I try my level best to avoid consuming media that shows the evils of feminism beyond my ability to research because it can easily lead me to hate women. There are, without question, honorable women, some even feminists, who have something to say, and being stuck in anti-feminism content can entertain me for a while but it can fester evil in me. Sin is so deceptive that it can creep even in matters that seem good and it is why we ought to be vigilant and be clothed in Godâs Word and pray constantly.
The second point is that there is a balance between sin and those who engage in it. It is just as easy to be deceived that feminism isnât all that bad and these are people after all. Do not be deceived. These people are indeed human but they have a relationship with sin that they have no incentive to let go of. Corruption reigns in man and seeks to wreak havoc whenever it has the opportunity to, sometimes in ways even non-believers cannot ignore. We donât preach the Gospel because of humanity but because of sinâs gravity. Whether in fraternization with those who perform evil (so that we believe they need not the Gospel) or to see them as too evil to be saved (so that we avoid giving them the Gospel), our enemy seeks to divorce us from the mission of offering the Gospel to the unbelievers.
This balance that believers maintain is something feminism as a concept is not equipped to fight and thus is unable to win its ar. It either sees feminists who are selfish, vain, and often violent as unquestionably good because women have to be saints or it sees men and the women who support them, as irreconcilable and eternal enemies because women have to be saints. Either way, it has no incentive to be questionable in matters of morality, something only possible if the cause is infallible, which it sadly is not. In case it wasnât clear when I said feminism fights sin in the last chapter, this is why. Feminism, unlike Christianity, has no true incorruptible force to motivate them to the purity of womanhood, and thus, even if the dictionary paints righteousness, their actions do not.
Letâs now transition to the first aspect of biblical womanhood that many women hate and fear at the same time.
At some point in our lives, we gain the ability to be attracted to people of the opposite sex. I wanted to put it specifically this way despite the LGBTQ+ understanding of attraction so I can establish the Biblical bias from this point onwards which is this; any form of sexual gratification outside of one man and one woman in marriage is sexual sin. This means that any form of sexual seeking, heterosexual or homosexual, outside of the boundaries God has set will not be covered. The world may never want to admit it but the decisions we made to be divorced from these boundaries have led us to where we are today; women divorced themselves from the nuclear family, freedom became a goal for feminism, and the LGBT and sexual exploration flourished in the western world. Weâre at a point where even pointing this out as a historical fact can cause a backlash. All of this is important context to womanhood and attraction because it has shaped both the hatred towards men, expansion of the lesbian feminists to finally where we are at; women being told there is no true definition for what makes one.
You are probably surprised at this point. What about the men? Well, their history charts a bit differently. Men, especially in the western world, have spent nearly a century being viewed in the worst possible light and as such have been made to feel that their composition is nothing but toxicity and that they should embrace femininity to survive and thrive and to support the cause of all victims. As such, they have been more prone to holding incredible levels of bitterness towards themselves, have been charted to be more likely to be depressed or even taking their lives. Both men and women have been conditioned to avoid relationships. Women have been trained to hate men practically growing up and men have been programmed to see the failures of the relationships of opportunistic women in the lives of men as proof that women are evil.
So today, we are going to point to some truths I believe we have suppressed to seek relationships our way and how understanding them Biblically can help save you a lot of heartaches when pursuing a relationship with an image-bearer of God.
Beauty is an Inherent Advantage
Now there was a Jew in Susa the citadel whose name was Mordecai, the son of Jair, son of Shimei, son of Kish, a Benjaminite, who had been carried away from Jerusalem among the captives carried away with Jeconiah king of Judah, whom Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon had carried away. He was bringing up Hadassah, that is Esther, the daughter of his uncle, for she had neither father nor mother. The young woman had a beautiful figure and was lovely to look at, and when her father and her mother died, Mordecai took her as his own daughter.
Esther 2:5-7
One of the most poisonous things the world has attempted to make people agree on is the idea that privilege is a bad thing, more so when it comes to beauty. We have heard people say things like, âYou are beautiful just the way you areâ or âBeauty is not all that important, read a bookâ and so on. This idea is false. I want you to understand something. There will always be someone better looking than you and that is going to mean that they are probably going to have more success than you in finding a partner. Someone will be taller, someone will be of a fairer complexion, someone will have a better smile. God made all of these people for His glory.
I point this out because we are currently in a culture that expects people to be accepted without looking presentable or neat and as a person who struggles with both, I can tell you that it is ridiculous. If you happened to meet someone who looked shabby yourself, you would be less likely inclined to talk to them, much less have a decent conversation. The reason we point to things like being beautiful the way we are is because of insecurities. Nobody really wants to feel like they are not worthy of affection so we offer worth to everyone in equal measure and this, in the long run, is going to be painful because people donât work that way. You probably have habits people do not like about you. You probably glorify things people are not going to like. You are probably, by design, going to look in such a way that some people are not going to be attracted to, regardless of how you look. If this information is presented in a way that deceives you, you will find great pain.
Esther was a beautiful woman and a lot of women donât like that nowadays. Ladies and gentlemen, beauty, like wisdom and athletic prowess, is a gift from God and it is meant to be used precisely to make them attractive. Thank God for beautiful men and women because as you consider your insecurities, remember that beautiful people have insecurities too and right now, in a world that vilifies even the mere thought of being better than others at something by design, have even more. Estherâs beauty did help her become the queen and her being queen helped her people. Josephâs beauty tempted Potipharâs wife and that led him to be imprisoned. His imprisonment led him to later saving his people from famine. David and Daniel are depicted as handsome. Ruth probably is too. Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Dinah, Miriam, and even Eve; not all of them were in interesting positions in their lives but they had something in common. They were all perceived to be beautiful and their beauty was part of their lives. How beautiful were they? We donât know. You might be more beautiful than some were, you might be less. What cannot be denied is that to be seen as beautiful (though we are using handsome, beautiful is a neutral word for the unaware) is something we would all like to be. You might not be there yet. You might have some things to work on. You might even know what it is you are to work on. Donât be duped to the idea that people are not interested in beauty, they are. I do know why we are afraid of putting things this way.
Beauty is Not Enough For A Relationship
After this he loved a woman in the Valley of Sorek, whose name was Delilah. And the lords of the Philistines came up to her and said to her, âSeduce him, and see where his great strength lies, and by what means we may overpower him, that we may bind him to humble him. And we will each give you 1,100 pieces of silver.â So Delilah said to Samson, âPlease tell me where your great strength lies, and how you might be bound, that one could subdue you.â
Judges 16:4-6
The Delilah story is what everyone fears when they talk about the inherent advantage of beauty. There is a belief that if we tell people that they are pretty, they will turn out to be full of themselves. There is precedent for a lot of vain, beautiful people in the world who use people like Delilah used Samson. However, this is not the testimony for all who are beautiful, or else the reader should be taken into consideration. The reality is that while your beauty might not be the most popular, there is a likelihood that you are desirable to people. I find that people who are the most burdened with rejection often overlook the possibilities of those who like them if they are social to any degree. You heard that right. If you are social enough, there is a guarantee that you have some who like you. This doesnât necessarily mean that you will end up with them in a relationship but that you are desirable.
Now that we have covered that, it is important to note one very interesting verse.
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
 Proverbs 31:30
God has created man in such a way that even if you happened to be the prettiest thing that walked the Earth, it would not nearly be enough to be in a relationship. Moreover, prettiness has a timer and as you age, that aspect of your life will be lost. This is why I emphasize that we do not put down people who are naturally beautiful or ostracize them. They know the kind of pressure they have to maintain themselves in certain ways and itâs not really fair but everybody has struggles and the same God will preserve them. I find the idea that we should be involved in the righteous mission of creating realistic expectations is missing the point of why God made people the way He did.
If you are beautiful and meet the standards of many, you have many temptations and I do not envy your position. Understand however that this will not always be the case. Your character molded by Godâs discipline will dictate if you actually survive a relationship with a fellow repentant sinner. Moreover, you could also be called to celibacy for a time to offer your undivided attention to God and His Word and offering the message to others. Your beauty can be instrumental in helping people hear the message of Christ in the same way anotherâs intelligence can do the same.
This verse is not asking people to avoid beautiful people but to avoid beautiful people who are nothing but. If you are in a position to approach a beautiful person who has godly character in them, do so. You might be rejected or you might be accepted. There is no reason to assume either before you try. We already have enough division as it stands.
Attraction is Beautiful
My beloved is mine, and I am his;
he grazes among the lilies.
Until the day breathes
and the shadows flee,
turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle
or a young stag on cleft mountains. Â
Song of Songs 2:16-17
At the time of writing, I am currently single, have gone through several failed attempts at relationships, and the only one that was successful was a toxic one. If there be any man who feels like having an attraction to women is a failure, I am among them. And yet, I stand in Godâs strength and His strength alone on this matter. Attraction is a beautiful thing for many reasons.
Number One, spare a thought for the brother or sister who is burdened with same-sex attraction. One of the things I once prayed for when I felt burdened was to ask God to take away my desire. I believe after a few weeks of holding the notion, I heard a Zac Poonen sermon who spoke on the matter and though I donât recall his exact words, I remember him stating that asking for something like that was like asking the rats in your flat to chew off your toes because you didnât think you needed them. Attraction is Godâs providence for humanity to help them in procreation and sexual satisfaction in a way that honors God. Hating your attraction is hating Godâs gift that the world and sin have perverted. It is like hating trees because you were once caned with a branch once.
Number Two, you donât have to experience a relationship to see the beauty of having attraction. You have a friend who is getting married and see the love between the couple and see it. I know envy can also hit you but for a second, pray for strength and see the joy your brother or sister in Christ has. Your brother has his first child and the lovely baby brings joy to that family and you maybe want kids of your own. Maybe you have a child having their first relationship and you personally did not have the same joys.
I read the Songs of Solomon passage and could feel how happy the couple was to be in each otherâs company and did feel a simple smile hit my face. I have never had that experience but I can see that God brings joy to those who are in. In Christ, I hope that He reminds me of my relationship with Him as I struggle to see it every day but God is faithful. Let us not allow our pain to define the gift of God and seek our satisfaction in Him.
If you are a lady who is jaded from the experiences you have in love, look to Christ. In celibacy or in marriage, it is He that will give you joy. If you are a man who is jaded from the experiences you have in love, look to Christ. If you are a lady or guy looking for a Christ-led partner as God leadsâŠ
Yet I will leave seven thousand in Israel, all the knees that have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him.
1 Kings 19:18
There are men and women who are faithful and I believe God has preserved them in that regard for the joys of marriage and the glory of His name. Shalom.