Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
1 Corinthians 7:6-9
An involuntary celibate or an incel is described as someone, according to the sources Google lines up these days mostly young men, who are unable to be involved in a romantic relationship despite their interest in wanting one. Sounds like an interesting way to start the final section of the blog but let’s go with it. Incels have been seen as a terror threat, as something we should be more fearful of in the future and the foundation of it being fundamentally toxic. I have read a couple of these blogs just to see where things are at and one thing you might realize is that there is one thing almost all of these blogs lack; a clear solution to the problem. Allow me to show you how easy it is to flip this script, provide a similar analysis of something just as plausible.
A radical feminist in her 20s will embrace the ideology and may or may not hate men. They might be taught that they are simultaneously oppressed and independent at the same time. They might be told that save for a few men who have a more feminine approach and embrace the need to fight the patriarchy, a lot of them are hot garbage. What they will not be taught is how to deal with guys they actually like. Since from the offset, the idea is men are all toxic, there will always be a need to hate the small things and always anticipate when the man finally reveals their colors and becomes toxic so they can go away. As such, a radical feminist will never find someone to love them.
What has been described above is something just as plausible and just as observable as the incel concept. Women, feminists even, have indeed complained on blog posts that they have never had much peace with relationships since they always find toxicity everywhere. However, the sentence I have offered at the end is grim and presents nothing but vile for the sake of being vile. It isn’t completely false; some feminists in their 70s do deeply regret feminism but pointing it out might come from a place of hate. I have not hidden my intentions for this series from everyone. I do not write out of some cloud in the sky. I deeply struggle to fathom the world I live in and each entry is simply me attempting to find answers from God’s Word, whether or not I am initially comfortable with it. It is this kind of introspection that I believe men and women of this generation have begun to lack.
Because you see, I believe the true definition of an involuntary celibate is one who doesn’t know why they are celibate, does not like that they are celibate but has to pretend they are okay with being celibate and as a result, waste it.
Let’s start with how that looks like with women. Working from the previous example, we still have our 20s radical feminist. Now for the first part of the definition. They don’t know why they are celibate. A woman who starts off with the idea that men are evil and should be treated as such may not fully understand how this affects the men in her life. I have seen a couple play it off for laughs and probably view it as such. Some of these women are independent and strong and even well-meaning. They are fighting a worthy cause, saving the lives of helpless people, and overall find themselves to be awesome for doing this. However, the men around her would just like a wife and that is not something she wants to be just yet. She wants to fight her share of the war and then retire on her terms. And she does. At about 32-37, she looks around and finds women like her are married and have children. Maybe she wants a family too. She no longer wants to be celibate. The problem? Even though she was able to get an earning on her terms, getting a family on her terms is not as viable seeing as she is close to menopause. She either gets men who don’t want her for children or men who don’t want her as a wife. She doesn’t want that. A family on her terms or nothing at all. At 45-50, she begins to realize she is probably not going to get a family. She has to pretend she is okay with being celibate. She spends the next 10-15 years telling everyone that her life is just as valid as everyone else’s. At 70, she begins to experience loneliness.
Now let’s look at what that looks like with men. We would have to start with a black pill man for the same experiment to make sense; that is one who feels women are not worth it. A guy’s cycle for the same often happens a lot faster and more often. With the expectations that a guy often does the courting first (which is fine, there are women who appreciate that) and with women mostly wanting to settle later, the man will find more often than not that he is forced to being celibate. They don’t understand why and they don’t like it. A few more tries don’t work out and the guy is forced to pretend they like being celibate because the alternative is probably depression. This is why it is way easier to see the effects of involuntary celibacy in men than in women; the results happen almost immediately. Men also happen to be more stubborn than women so more than likely this man, with a few experiences of pain, shuts off completely and experiences loneliness for the rest of his life.
Both of these people are wasting celibacy because they don’t understand why they are in it, hate that they are in it as well as those who put them there and have to pretend to like it and at the end of the day, have miserable lives. I’ll repeat this because it is necessary; if you are a celibate because you hate your fellow gender, you are doing a disservice to yourself and to Christ because celibacy is meant to enjoy Christ without entanglements. As Paul states…
I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
1 Corinthians 7:32-35
Instead of this, we have chosen to spend this time bashing each other and the scale leans heavily towards third-wave feminism. They have begun to notice that men have started to hate them almost as much as they hate men and that this has destroyed any chances some had for relationships. I have seen countless articles that have chosen to call men cowards and toxic for not deciding to pick women as they are but the reality is a lot of the articles are thinly veiled screams of desperation; a woman who wants someone to love them but cannot abandon the hate they have for men. However, on the same scale, I see the men who take the opportunity to shove these women while they are down because they have come across such women. Men fear marriage so much they choose to have stable relationships without the covenant and women have been forced to come up with ways to cheat the system so they can benefit from stability, some of which I cannot even mention here. Men want women, women want men, both want stability and children but because of entitlement, sin reigns.
Ask yourself this, believer. What do you think such men and women do in order to cope with not being together as God designed? The answer is sexual immorality. In order to stick it to the man or to the woman, people degrade and encourage degradation in order to survive. It’s no wonder why believers are struggling greatly with sexual sin; the rightful response to dealing with those urges is greatly feared. Men fear divorce and women can’t do anything but shame men into marriage. If you are a celibate now, you probably aren’t honoring God with your celibacy. You just want to survive and that is truly tragic. So unlike the blogs which have no answers to give, let’s actually be helpful to those going through the process.
Commit your Celibacy to God
Not everyone was created to be celibate or given the grace to remain there permanently. Commit to God in prayer and Scripture and with assistance from your church if necessary. If you realize your celibacy is simply to escape responsibility, to avoid the opposite sex, or to serve an agenda that is not of Christ, you are wasting celibacy. God wants to use your ability to be free of service without worries to do the work of God. There are many of us who have not even heard of the Gospel or understood it enough so the time spent hating people is time better spent reaching out to the lost. Next…
Open Discussions About Attraction and Marriage
Those of us who are lucky to have been in marriage without the worries of the world should greatly consider talking to those who are younger about attraction and marriage and the joys of seeking sexual satisfaction in a way that pleases God. There is no shortage of the number of confused and angry men and women who consume either feminism or black pill content to the point of hating those they are meant to be in a relationship with. Pretending that people are going to understand it when the time comes is waiting for a hurricane to arrive and then looking for shelter. Things like compromise or forgiveness are unfortunately principles kids are no longer learning from their parents since the immediate previous generation is almost always one that has faced the effects of third-wave feminism. It’s not going to be a pretty subject for anyone. Not pastors, not elderly people, and most certainly not the young people listening.
Love Men and Women
Men, love women as Christ has loved you and died for your sins. Women, love men as Christ has loved you and died for your sins. Do they deserve it? Not always. In fact, if you are looking for overtly evil men and women, you will always find them. If you allow yourself to be vulnerable with hate, the only people you will attract are abusive partners because they know what signs to look out for. You keep entertaining them and you will never find a good example of what a Christ led man or woman ought to look like. Does this apply only to those who want to get married?
Absolutely not. If you are a celibate man, love women. There will come a time when you will need a woman’s help. If you are a celibate woman, love men. There will come a time when you will need them. You live in a world where productive members of society are people of the opposite gender. The people who provide you with social services are men and women. Do not let your experiences of evil people cloud your judgment. I say this specifically to men given the number of entitled women currently. Men are corrupt and need Christ. Women are corrupt and need Christ. People need the Gospel and God has finally allowed the world to see what it looks like without His standards of morality.
Celibacy is a blessing, not an involuntary stage of life. If you are someone who is attracted to someone of the opposite sex, put your best foot forward. Have standards, definitely, but be ready to compromise when you find someone who is agreeable enough. If you feel that you serve Christ better as a celibate, then praise God, and may He strengthen you for every good work. Let us fight to reduce involuntary celibacy because the root of it on both sides is pride and bitterness and idolatry in order to have workers equipped. The laborers are truly few. If you are dealing with the pride, bitterness, and idolatry associated with the pain of rejection that leads to hating people, repent. He that satisfies in marriage is the same that satisfies in celibacy. Lastly…
A radical feminist will burn all their bridges in every attempt they take to heal the world.
To any feminists who have read the series to this point, women will disappoint you as much as men will, sometimes even more. They are more likely to leave you when you are suffering. They are more likely to envy you when you are happy. They are more likely to shame you when you are out of line. Men will continue to disappoint you as soon as you are done with this blog, me included. You fight a good fight but you are not nearly strong enough to defeat sin and you don’t have to. Christ already died for sins. The only safe space that exists is heaven for it shall be free of sin and full of God. Feminism will disappoint you, whether in 10 years or in 40 years because when you die, you will leave sin on Earth and many of the things you claim to fight for will never be fixed. You may probably never get the family you want and thus your legacy will be a 350-page book that will be used as firewood when this world tears itself apart. You can choose to be offended by this or you can choose to see the vanity of it all. There is a Savior, one that will break your ideas of independence, divorce you from your current wants, and give you what you need; satisfaction. Seek it while you still can and join the community of the only radicals’ history could not erase in dignity or value.
With that, God’s grace be with you all. Shalom.
Author
